Love before or after?!

On a Saturday evening like any none other…

I did something different... cuz I've been overcoming my procrastination and fulfilling my ‘visitations quota’.

Tonight...

It was my siblings and, not far from them, some friends back in the 'war-college' days (aka ATBU).

Conversations sparked as usual after the pleasantries and condolences...

First topic, as usual, was Kano and its cursed traffic full of imbeciles and outlaws that brag about its lawlessness blah blah...

*oops*

Went a lil over board there didn’t I?

Sorry... Was driving went I wrote this... And... Someone... Did... This... Thing... Then honked... Then... *don't point any fingers yet, me I be warri-boy I sabi type-n-drive naaa.* :-p

Next.

Outta blue he asks-

“…ka fito 'mana' da mata ne?” Meaning “have gotten 'us' a marriage-worthy lady yet?”

Pun was surely detected in his remark...

So I retorted, as any meaningful Nigerian would-

"Have YOU?!"

We exchange 'guy-talk', within which is the inspiration for this post born.

Speaking from experience…

He starts-

"…I've ruled out dating anything younger than, (was it), 20 or 22…!?"

"….Cuz below that age they're Lady Gaga-meets-Beyonce-world-at-my-palms-feet-toe nails-and-appendages AND are too occupied with their vanity and MTV mentality to sift through and reason what's a good man- husband material and what's a great boyfriend- bragging rights."

We discuss this at length, laughing and sharing stories about ‘war-college’ blues...

A term 'October Rush' and how all those 'Jambites' (freshers) will be maxing out their Shakara-gauge dissing their mates for those a year or two ahead.

If you de final year that time, na you be baaaaaadht guy!! The thing that made us laugh, sigh, and ponder the most was word I used- validity.

Time doesn't favor any living thing for that long.

Especially girls.

Not women.

But girls.

Women... got their ish covered.

As for a guy, he is in a whole different league entirely. Lets not get into that.

The second point which REALLY was the reason I started writing this even whilst driving is...

A point we kept nodding to...

"One of the mistakes, which bring about alot of heartache, headache, and possibly heartbreak, is the fact that we tend to deviate from the doctrine set down by Islam (Religion basically) and most traditions of 'old' (they are not that old... Just made out to be cuz we're in the 21st century *deep Blondy Texan accent*)

Not the media preached one. Not one in novels... Not one akin to peer pressure… But that of old many of which resides in our beliefs and ways of life before ALLLL this. That that made sense...!

All it takes is for a couple not to let themselves love each other...

Until... AFTER they're married. Not before. But after."

Beat that!

No one said you should just random-sample the male/female population, marry them, and if there are no sparks- divorce/seperation.

NO!!

I didn't say that.

Its okay to meet someone through clean channels, get to know them...

Like them, even lust after them (unless of course something is wrong with your physiology).

But leave the 'love' bit till after wedlock.

I'm not guaranteeing that you MUST fall in love if you follow my rambles wo.

Tohm!

But think about it for a sec (or a minute even).

Would you rather have a pile of ex's, bunch of contacts, unresolved emotional and lusty issues you continue to carry till kingdom come?

Or would you rather have “…this girl/guy I was dating but didn't like so so so and so about him/her... Didn't last long neither….”

Length of time relationships take... That's another thing we broke down.

Is it just me or do relationships these days take too damn long?!!?

HABA!!

What kinda lies transpire? (Its okay if you cant help it and still wannabe with that person)

But... I've known people who are on their 11th year and counting... SERIOUSLY?!!?

It usually ends with a Hiroshima of emotional blackmail ending with ample resentment and hate.

Think of it this way...

If Mrs.B met Mr.A and they profile one another. Arrange dates (or zance as the case may be).

Like each other.

Scope one another's 'physicals' just to know what’s expected when they reach their bed of roses- lust.

Useful and curious lust.

Not that dirty one you've been thinking since I 1st mentioned the word in this write up :-p

Then continue seeing each other for no longer than necessary- say a year... holding onto love, hopes, and expectations... Then finally... Tie the knot. Letting it all out...

Be bare of emotion, sentiment, and lust (yeah the one you WERE thinking)...

Would you have not been amongst the fortunate few?

No loss. No malice. No resentment. No hate. No stereotyping. No heart and headache.

Just... "someone I met via blah blah and have come to like..."

"Why?"

"Well... cuz she/he is intelligent, religious, has a sense of humour, is hawwt etc"

To... "He/she has a great smile perfect skin nice hair great..."

*clears throat*

Or would u prefer the reversal?

Think and ponder.

Cuz our conversation on this particular topic didnt last more than 15-20mins (and I was there almost 2hrs) but the spark it lit in my head is still burning in mega watts.

What about you?

DISCLAIMER- I AINT NO CONTROL-FREAK WOOO... NOT TRYING TO CONTROL EVERY AND ALL... JUST PLAIN ANALYSIS AND 'MIND-FIDDLING' :)