Friday, 28 October 2011


 (Wrote this since Nov 2009… Just dusted it off... been doing that alot lately.)

"…you are everything he's not..." excerpts of a friend who had guy-problems.
The quote-in-quote INSPIRATION for this note/post. (I know I know my mind is... something else... JUST READ IT ALREADY!!)


The one important thing left out in that sentence and/or scenario is/was/is/was……… COMPATIBILITY!

That’s one thing my ‘friends’ that can’t ever be overrated.
And don’t gimme that love is blind, destiny is numb crap or fate chooses your relations but you choose your friends crap… (well… at least for now) :-)
(I am a sarcastic romantic after all aren’t I?)

The only exceptions to this rule are family, even amidst which it could still be applicable with the exception of, yours truly, the all American true blue family- we weep and we wipe all behind a wooden carcass we call a home. They’re always seemingly perfect behind that façade created by the media. But we all know the stark nude reality of the situation don’t we? Jenny Jones. Doctor Phil. Sally. Jerry Springer ..and yeah Oprah too. To name a few. :-p

In expansion… Lemme itemize the yan/gist into varying scenarios-

GF'S BF'S- it can’t work no matter how hard you try and want that person for you you yourself and you (what’s d name of that basic metaphysical greed again? Beats me! Its in a league of its own) it just CANT work! You'd always end up tripping on yaselves (and BOY would them falls give you more to worry about than frequent trips to the dentist). Let’s say you do kick it off…. How long until d binding force-field loses its clasp…. Then a simple thing as a missed call causes a raucous that would last for days… Mr Ego’s the umpire Sir Arrogance the manager… we all know what that translates to.

Statements like – “he/she/it was never my type, we never meant to be, she/he suddenly changed, the relationship died a natural death…" CMON!!!??

I always believe that its curiosity that causes our wahala…  we always wonder what or how this person differs from the other….
But that’s a thing we cant help can we? All we can do is hold a pen one hand and a pad on the other, draw squares with words by their sides all the way down the page- checklist (aka compatibility checklist :p)
Just pray… and pray… and pray… And LIVE. (works wonders trust me!)

FRIENDS- One of my fav topics. Just last night I had a tête-à-tête with a GooD friend about a mutual person of interest the english dictionary might in its abrupt haste call a friend, and how he/she/it has always been there for temporal and immediate gains/benefits. Always plotting, always cunning, and “thinking” that somehow somewhat he/she/it is smarter or has some sorta hold on me/us... *laughs*
For instance… A simple gesture of a call from such a person is calculated!
If its to last 5mins then, 3.5mins goes to slimly, ‘smeagolly’ and “snakily” (not sleek, I know) tryin to fill d void, that’s ever increasing, with chit chat and hypocritical concerns on ya status quo, if not, then it'll definitely be about ‘issues’- bf,gf's if any at d mo and y not. Chit chat chit chat gulma son jin zance etc. (not that I bow/conform with em or anything :-p…… well… occasionally I do. SO?!! :-| ).
Then comes the ill-waited 1.5mins, which, mind you I’ve been looking forward to (cuz obviously i've been long nauseated by all that hypocrisy of intimacy, constancy, fidelity and loyalty… SHEEESSSHHHH!!)
“I need you to...”
“Do you by any chance...”
“Pls send me ____'s number”
“Could you please….”
“There is this….”
“Don Allah….” *smdh*


A friend compliments your every effort to the bond you are continuously developing be it financial, spiritual, moral, ‘amoral’ (jokes or not), and all the tits and bits of the social infrastructure we’ve built around us and with the so-called ‘friendship’ in the centre.

This quote says a lot about compatibility in friendship-

“Never explain: your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.”
~Victor Grayson~

“Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends.”
~Mary Catherwood~

SIBLINGS-  don’t know  about other parts of the spatial and somewhat juxtaposed masses of land we fondly call earth, but here, where polygamy, divorces, and co are a norm, you'd find one person having more than 1,2,3-10 siblings from different mothers, fathers etc. Of which, definitely, there are those who are more in tune or akin with your being, personality, and needs (no matter how obtuse or acute they are! LOL).
Others are just the plain ol “YAN UBA’s” lollllz!
Don’t go reading between the lines… I’m more than good with my siblings. DON’T be fooled! They are missing moi as we speak/read/write.

POINT- you could come from the same scrotal sac, be incubated and nurtured from the same womb yet without compatibility… you's nothing but semi-identical gene pairs with a lil of mommy and daddy in each ya.

Compatibility people. Compatibility.

PARENTS- you didn't think I was gonna leave this out did ya :-). Don’t worry mine aren't on Facebook. Lol
I need say little about them, for two reasons.
One- you've already seen how i'm holding the map and where ma compass at. 

Two- I’m gonna write a piece about em later on (fingers crossed?) [already wrote it actually]

But this I can say though, they're a unique pair yet you find yourself loving one more than the other.
It’s not a crime or a sin that’s for sure.

What is it I hear in the air?
"Ccc… Ccom... Ccomp.....!"
Yeah! "Compatibility!"

One gets you WELL, the other…. Wellll let just say… he/she expects more from u… but the love is there.

CO-WORKERS/NEIGHBOURS/COURSEMATES/ROOMMATES ETC- well from now they're at your mercy cuz i haven't had the much needed depth to explore, or better yet, to paint a piece on them.(with the exception of no.3 & 4 of course.)

“A bad neighbor is as great a misfortune as a good one is a great blessing.”
~Hesiod~ (Greek poet 8th century BC)

Of course yall did notice I’ve left out d spouse section clean... That... Doesn't need a tip-tap on ma keyboard now does it!?

“It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.”
~Toni Morrison~

On a parting note…
The only instance where opposites attract is in the field of magnetism electro and otherwise, which need I remind you, is under study….of blab la bla INANIMATE carbon blah blah blah. Not that jaded cliche we've fed for ages.

REALITY- The only instance in the real world where opposites attract is with inanimate objects which abide by one law of physics or the other be it Langevin’s, Faraday’s, some French guy, a Danish one, etc.

With the living…It’s a different ball game!

“Opposites may attract, due to one fluke or the other, but it’s the like-minded that LAST!”

~I A Saeed~

© I.A.Saeed 2011

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Love before or after?!

On a Saturday evening like any none other…
I did something different... cuz I've been overcoming my procrastination and fulfilling my ‘visitations quota’.

It was my siblings and, not far from them, some friends back in the 'war-college' days (aka ATBU).

Conversations sparked as usual after the pleasantries and condolences...

First topic, as usual, was Kano and its cursed traffic full of imbeciles and outlaws that brag about its lawlessness blah blah...


Went a lil over board there didn’t I?
Sorry... Was driving went I wrote this... And... Someone... Did... This... Thing... Then honked... Then... *don't point any fingers yet, me I be warri-boy I sabi type-n-drive naaa.* :-p

Outta blue he asks-

“…ka fito 'mana' da mata ne?” Meaning “have gotten 'us' a marriage-worthy lady yet?”

Pun was surely detected in his remark...
So I retorted, as any meaningful Nigerian would-
"Have YOU?!"

We exchange 'guy-talk', within which is the inspiration for this post born.

Speaking from experience…
He starts-

"…I've ruled out dating anything younger than, (was it), 20 or 22…!?"

"….Cuz below that age they're Lady Gaga-meets-Beyonce-world-at-my-palms-feet-toe nails-and-appendages AND are too occupied with their vanity and MTV mentality to sift through and reason what's a good man- husband material and what's a great boyfriend- bragging rights."

We discuss this at length, laughing and sharing stories about ‘war-college’ blues...
A term 'October Rush' and how all those 'Jambites' (freshers) will be maxing out their Shakara-gauge dissing their mates for those a year or two ahead.

If you de final year that time, na you be baaaaaadht guy!! The thing that made us laugh, sigh, and ponder the most was word I used- validity.

Time doesn't favor any living thing for that long.
Especially girls.
Not women.
But girls.
Women... got their ish covered.

As for a guy, he is in a whole different league entirely. Lets not get into that.

The second point which REALLY was the reason I started writing this even whilst driving is...
A point we kept nodding to...

"One of the mistakes, which bring about alot of heartache, headache, and possibly heartbreak, is the fact that we tend to deviate from the doctrine set down by Islam (Religion basically) and most traditions of 'old' (they are not that old... Just made out to be cuz we're in the 21st century *deep Blondy Texan accent*)

Not the media preached one. Not one in novels... Not one akin to peer pressure… But that of old many of which resides in our beliefs and ways of life before ALLLL this. That that made sense...!

All it takes is for a couple not to let themselves love each other...

Until... AFTER they're married. Not before. But after."

Beat that!

No one said you should just random-sample the male/female population, marry them, and if there are no sparks- divorce/seperation.


I didn't say that.

Its okay to meet someone through clean channels, get to know them...

Like them, even lust after them (unless of course something is wrong with your physiology).

But leave the 'love' bit till after wedlock.

I'm not guaranteeing that you MUST fall in love if you follow my rambles wo.
But think about it for a sec (or a minute even).

Would you rather have a pile of ex's, bunch of contacts, unresolved emotional and lusty issues you continue to carry till kingdom come?

Or would you rather have “…this girl/guy I was dating but didn't like so so so and so about him/her... Didn't last long neither….”

Length of time relationships take... That's another thing we broke down.

Is it just me or do relationships these days take too damn long?!!?


What kinda lies transpire? (Its okay if you cant help it and still wannabe with that person)
But... I've known people who are on their 11th year and counting... SERIOUSLY?!!?

It usually ends with a Hiroshima of emotional blackmail ending with ample resentment and hate.

Think of it this way...

If Mrs.B met Mr.A and they profile one another. Arrange dates (or zance as the case may be).
Like each other.
Scope one another's 'physicals' just to know what’s expected when they reach their bed of roses- lust.
Useful and curious lust.
Not that dirty one you've been thinking since I 1st mentioned the word in this write up :-p

Then continue seeing each other for no longer than necessary- say a year... holding onto love, hopes, and expectations... Then finally... Tie the knot. Letting it all out...

Be bare of emotion, sentiment, and lust (yeah the one you WERE thinking)...

Would you have not been amongst the fortunate few?

No loss. No malice. No resentment. No hate. No stereotyping. No heart and headache.

Just... "someone I met via blah blah and have come to like..."


"Well... cuz she/he is intelligent, religious, has a sense of humour, is hawwt etc"

To... "He/she has a great smile perfect skin nice hair great..."

*clears throat*

Or would u prefer the reversal?

Think and ponder.

Cuz our conversation on this particular topic didnt last more than 15-20mins (and I was there almost 2hrs) but the spark it lit in my head is still burning in mega watts.

What about you?


Thursday, 6 October 2011

'Forgive' me…?!

'Forgive' me…

If I feel what I say
And say what I feel
Keywords: ‘Depth’ and ‘Blunt’
Others… ‘Oratory’ or even ‘Sincerity’.
Some, ‘simply’ call it… Poetry.

'Forgive' me
Because I constantly refuse to conform
to these norms
(and bandwagons)
That are all
but NORM-al!
So… now I’m weird!?
Forgive me.

Forgive me…
For constantly thanking the Lord for
a brain
a mind
and its how-to manual...
The reason why
I'm no one's answering machine.
‘Yes’ and ‘Okay’ are only heard when necessary
Ohkayyy… Now I’m stern?!
Forgive me!?

Forgive me
For ‘appearing’ intelligent
and glowing with enlightenment
Your senses can’t contain it?!
Forgive me

Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.

For having ears that don’t have lids…
So I HAVE to hear you

Eyes, that do
but, chose to stay open
Through the ‘hypocrisy’ of blinking
So I HAVE to see you

These fingers and thumbs for getting scarred and exfoliating…
As I dribble these letters into scribble
Why am I even bothered?
I want to educate you…
On forgiveness
Forgive me.

You’re better off with these fingers…

Trust me!

Cuz my tongue… *hmmm*

My tongue is split and forked,
sizzling hot, titanium tipped,
and a
poison dipped menace
constantly assaulting
MY palate!!?

(think of what it’ll do to you)

*slings it out*

I don’t sting
That’s when everything goes wrong


Forgive me for educating you...
Forgive me for enlightening you...
Forgive me for warning you...

Otherwise I’d be seeking forgiveness from a deformed, mutilated, and poisoned cadaver

We wouldn't want that for me would we?

*flat line*

FORGIVE ME…… for being me…?!
Never knew how to be anything or anyone else!
Just me.
Forgive me?!!?
(I just went ahead and did it, didn’t I?)

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Us and Them

Many a times…
Many a day...
We know the answers
The right stuff to say.

But hey...!

Some time a day...
We need to hear them say IT…
The exact same way.


Too much of a thought concerning the future is not for us.
It’s a thing in the realms of god(s)...

The future is not meant for us Us US...

Its meant for
The Us
In the time to Us
It comes to us.


Sunday, 2 October 2011

A Lesson (or two) from my weird memories…

While growing up and hanging out with people older than myself (by hanging out I naturally mean eavesdropping, playing mute around them, and persevering thru their endless errands...)
I picked up alota stuff... trust me ALOT!

Back to the story/theme

I remember an uncle sharing a story of an old scholar of his down in the borders of Cameroun (an approximate location of my village)...

The old man was giving them the key/elixir/secret to knowledge (my uncle was his a keen and stubborn student)... This was as a result of him badgering the scholar (Mallam) with questions like... “how does one become smarter/knowledgable?” “What’s the fastest way to master this and that?” etc at times even saying ‘ridiculous’ stuff like “how do I become as knowledgeable as you in a nick of time?”

Being a man of wisdom that he is, he would get himself outta the clutches of juvenile curiousity and thirst for knowledge with no accord or concern for its content and context and surely consequence...

However, one day he did give them a key... (which might make you shrug me off or hiss for playing with your attention spike all this long)

He taught them something, which when I heard, I found humour in.
He said “if you want someone to learn something... FEED THEM!

“Make sure they are well-nourished... But not too much to become slaves of their bellies but just right enough to make them appreciative (and attentive 'sponges'.)”

Secondly make them more curious than ever... Be vague and ubiquitous if you have to.

Thirdly make it fun for them...

Show them they know not… They know little.
Yes! Trample on their pride and arrogance... Cuz that’s one of the curses on those-who-think-they-know or have self-acclaimed themselves- knowledgeable/smart etc

Under this particular segment I learnt the most invaluable lesson yet... Courtesy of a test he put my uncle and his fellow students to.
While they were deep in recitation/translation/memorization of a certain chapter of The Holy Quran, he asked, or rather tasked, them to find a certain verse within the whole 114 chapters and 6000 plus verses.
And he made it interestingly competitive too... A prize!

Being who they were... Everyone of them (over 10 or so) rushed helter-skelter, juxtaposing with no prowess, using any kinda quirky way to shortcut the process so they come up first.

Hell! My uncle even confessed to wanting to consult another scholar for the answer. But was faced by two dilemmas-

One, the guy was really far away and he wouldn’t be able to go and see him while beating the short time frame given by the scholar... (coupled with the fact that travel, at that time, was done by foot or bicycle, the former being the most accessible)


The next morning after the usual bout and routine of lessons/lectures/tests/revision, the wise old one, confident that none of them found the answer, made it look like he was about to end/close for the session (with the usual ‘lets-round-up-with-a-prayer routine’) then with an air of sagely smuggness turned as if he was about to leave...
And blurted "oh... what’s the answer to last night's question?"

They were silent for a minute... Then all of them started talking at once.

Some saying “I am this close to getting it” (by that he means... this close reading the whole BOOK)
Others this close to luckily guessing it.

He just smiled and said “see you in the evening...”

NEXT DAY. Just like most days, the time they have the recital/memorization sessions, which usually involves him reading out a verse and they would repeat it. This would be done at least 3 times so it sticks, then they’d move forward onto another verse till they had enough for one day/night.

In last night's recital they were two verses shy of finishing off the chapter they’ve been on that particular week (a thing I ‘forgot’ to mention :-p)

TODAY... As they were done with those two verses...


They turned to the next page and awaited him to start it off so they follow…

He read not more than 2 verses and… LO AND BEHOLD!

He read THE VERSE...

Before he even went 5 syllables into it… They were looking at each other silly, side to side, then back to him, and kept repeating this act till he finished reciting the verse…


He had to jog them to continue by clearing his throat loudly...


Wise and prude, he didn’t say anything till the lesson for the day was over... Then he smiled and came closer to them…
Saying... “does anyone of you know the moral of this whole episode of ours?”

The answer “NO!?” came forth quite inaudibly.

He continued
“…it goes a long way to show you that human beings, irrespective of age or background are hasty and forgetful creatures. They tend to be in a rush for no apparent reason, their so-called haste which bores competitiveness, for no justifiable reason too, is a thing that blinds them to the point that they don’t see what’s RIGHT in front of them. They miss out on the little joys of life and living, which are the little things that sum up a meaningful and smooth sailed life. In all that haste which begets waste, they ‘forget’ to enjoy, or rather, savour those moments, people, and places… It’s much worse with you young folks... Shooting and cutting without aiming or measuring... Blinded by (false) ambition, juvenile pride (just to brag), and greed…”

He doled out a lot of wisdom you see... The chunk of which they didn’t appreciate till they grew up way much more... He sensed that vibe from them...

So he gave them a dumber/simpler (gwari-gwari) version-


"AHHH'S!" & "OHHH'S!!" echoed.
Your village boys nodded accordingly while displaying yellow teeth glowing against the fading red sunset... :p

Since then… I try and not look toooooo far away when I’m ‘searching’’ for something, some place, or someone. Start with a small radius. Then expand gradually, gradually, gradually… till you reach your figurative El Dorado.