Saturday, 30 July 2011

Poly-something suntin

A month ago I was with a friend, his wife, and a widow friend of theirs…
Random conversations ensued in the car as we drove back to the neighborhood where they all lived. Of which (thanks to yours truly’s mind) was the gratefulness to the Lord Almighty that men didn’t have rivals/co-husbands/or my favourite KISHIYOYI. (Hey! I did say random in bold)


I mean… in an instant I infected everybody in the vehicle including the 1 and 2yr-olds we were with, by my mind’s meanderings.

Take a sec…

Clear your (already infected) mind…

Now imagine…

Just imagine for a second, a minute, a day, a week, a year, a decade...
how it would be like if a woman could/would marry more than one man and live under one roof with all of them.

No limits to your imagination. (it’s yours after all)

Start it from the indigenous perspective.
Like here in Nigeria, instead of a Muslim (northern or southern) who’s religion allows marrying 2-4 wives… switch the sexes and see how it goes (in your mind woh! I no de for froblem).

From the Mallam Bahaushe to Jauro Bafullatani to the Baba Alaji or Nnayi (igbo) all vying for the madam’s attention (and much more… even if just to piss the rest off).


Picture these scenes-

“…Ya naga kana mun wani gani gani ne?!!” That’s just the Mallam #2 asking why #1 is giving him certain derisive looks (getting ready for a showdown if you ask me).

Or Alaji #1 asking alaji #3 why him no dey hold d pikin well. “Tie wrapper well. Make pikin sleep!”

“Da zaman banza gwara aikin…” I don’t think so MISTER! (proverbs don suffer!)

“Nna… because today is my day… I will let u drive my Mercedes Benz…” (na Regular wo! No think say na beta tin) *igbo accent*

Come hear blackmailing yanzzzzz- “… Kudirat darling! U know u ave my arrt dont let all these oooligans cloud ur ead and arrt from my andsome face...” (yeah… u guessed ryt. Yoruba accent)

“I’m the first/second I should be respected most”

“I’m the better looking of them all… so…”

#4- “If they were all that then I don’t believe you would’ve paid my dowry, spent all that much on LEFE, and drag me down here. NI NAYI YAJI! 
Separation don come enta equation.


Doing the dishes- picture grown man with apron etc. I know right.

“It seems you pay more attention to… than you do me. What have I done to deserve this?!?”

“You don’t look at me the same way anymore… ever since that winch winch you into marrying him nothing is the same…” *sob sob estrogen sob sob*

“You haven’t even tasted what I brought for you. You’re always claiming stomache and headache. I hate youuuuuuuuuuuu! No wait. You hate meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! " :’(
(see confusion)

"THIS IS MY CHILD NOT HIS (or his or his or his)!"

Kids- be confused as hell! "Daddy. Daddy! Daddy!? Daddy?!!" (Poor things)

Cooking- “…I sabi passam! Today na my day! Yau ranar…girki?... nane. Na so so onga go largesse…”

Driving- “…make him no go kill u for us wo!”

&%%#&# *that too!* INFSALWKMD (I No fit shout as laff wan kill me die)


Just think about the jealousy and rivalry sef.

Talk about Terminator meets Alien vs Predator in Cybertron as The Hulk pops in.
Ohhh boyyyyyyy! Lmao!!!

I cud go on… but something tells me your imagination’s got every other thing pretty much covered.